「Panpaka-paan! Congratulations on surpassing five thousand kills! The fastest extermination record in history! Hyuu-hyuu! Papupafuu~!」
Even though I’d taken a shower, felt refreshed, had a good beer, and drifted off to sleep, that useless goddess was standing right in front of me again.
「…Why…」
I’d wanted to complain to her if we ever met again, but seeing her now just made me want her gone.
「Come on now, don’t be like that. I came to personally praise your unexpected achievement!」
「What, you’re gonna reward me by sending me back to my old world?」
If that were the case, I’d drop to my knees in gratitude.
「Ah, that’s impossible. You’re already officially dead, you see. Your funeral went smoothly. I even sent your parents a lottery prize as condolence money.」
Yeah, I figured as much.
「That’s right, that’s right. It’s important for humans to know when to give up. Keep looking forward!」
You’re the last person who should be saying that, you damn cause of it all.
「So what do you want? Why are you here?」
Did she show up just to piss me off? If so, I swear I’ll spread the word in this world that the so-called creator god is actually a useless goddess.
「Go ahead, but the gods that humans worship in that world have nothing to do with me. They’re just convenient figures for mortals. Still, I’d advise against it, you’ll end up getting on the bad side of religious folks.」
Guess religion’s the same everywhere. I swear I’ll never pray to any god in that world again.
「Anyway! Since you achieved an unexpected result, I’ll grant you a special bonus! From this box, you may draw five lottery tickets. No matter which you pick, each one will enrich your extermination life~!」
So, I’m still stuck living an exterminator’s life no matter what, huh? Damn it.
「Wait, five draws? That’s pretty generous.」
Normally it’d be just one, right?
「Indeed. There have been several people who’ve slain a thousand monsters in a year, but you’re the first to exterminate five thousand within six months. I’m expecting great things from you, so I’ve decided that for every thousand you defeat, you’ll earn one draw. I’ve added a lottery function to your tablet. Once you reach six thousand, go ahead and use it.」
One draw per thousand, huh. If I keep at it steadily, that’s about once every two months? Feels like a gacha game.
Anyway, I reached into the lottery box and pulled one out, and what came out was… a sticker? Huh?
「That’s a seventy-percent-off sticker. You can use it up to thirty times.」
A discount sticker? Like the ones they put on supermarket bentos? What kind of prize choice is that? Not exactly bad, but still.
The next thing I drew was a small bottle that looked like it contained pills.
「That’s a healing medicine. One tablet will instantly heal a small cut. For a broken bone, about eight tablets should do the trick. It’s also effective for muscle pain and illness. The bottle contains a hundred tablets.」
Okay, now ‘that’s’ actually useful. I can save it for situations where regular medicine won’t cut it.
The third draw was a dump pouch.
「That’s an item that can retrieve objects from your Sefuti Home. You could call it an ‘Apport Pouch’, I suppose. Though it can only bring out items that can physically fit through its opening.」
「Wait, weren’t you the one who said there weren’t any magical tools in this world?」
A pouch with a hundred times the capacity would already be great, but didn’t she say magic tools hadn’t been invented yet?
「It’s a tool, yes, but it’s powered by science, not magic. It was invented during the third iteration of that world.」
So, magic’s off-limits, but science is fine? Makes no damn sense.
Still, being able to retrieve things remotely will help a lot. Not having to carry ammo around alone is a huge plus.
The fourth item was… a bracelet?
「Ah, that’s for Ladarion-san. If you put it on and stroke the bracelet with your finger, it will shrink, and if you stroke it again, it will return to its original size. Ah, it’s science.」
She said it in that “don’t even think about questioning it” tone. Yeah, yeah, I get it already.
The last one was a pair of glasses. I’ve got 20/13 vision though.
「Those glasses allow you to see in the dark and detect heat sources. You’ll understand better once you try them.」
In other words, it’s all science. Got it.
「Well then, Takato-san, please continue your goblin extermination efforts. The one-hundred-million-yen bonus for surviving five years is still active, so do your best, okay～!」
When I opened my eyes, I was back on the mattress in the Sefuti Home.
「…Doesn’t look like it was a dream…」
The lottery prizes, if you could call them that, were sitting neatly on top of my blanket.
I sat up on the mattress, bought a bottle of whiskey, and took a swig straight from it to calm myself down. Not even a little buzzed.
「Haa… Guess goblin extermination starts again…」
A dry laugh escaped my lips.
After standing there for a while, Ladarion came in.
Judging from her gear, she’d been out exterminating goblins. A glance at the wall clock showed it was already past noon.
「Takato, what’s wrong?」
She must’ve noticed something off about me, because she came closer with a worried look.
「That useless goddess called me out again.」
I’d already told Ladarion everything before, so I didn’t hide it and explained what just happened.
「So… I can get smaller now?」
Apparently, that was the part that mattered most to her. Well, not that the useless goddess ever makes sense anyway.
「Ah. You can go try it out. Ah, how’s it going out there?」
「It’s noisy out there.」
「I see.」
No point in asking her for details, she’s never good at explanations.
Whatever’s going on, Gorg can deal with it.
「Let’s have lunch.」
I didn’t really have an appetite, but I wasn’t planning to go outside today anyway.
I made lunch for Ladarion, then poured myself a whiskey soda and decided to drown out this gloomy mood the only way I could.
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