I sit in the garden chair at home, gazing off into the distant sky.
Every now and then I catch Noie leaping high into the air, punching a dragon away with a massive blow, then glancing over here to check on me.
I’m fine… I’m properly serving my house arrest, okay?
If I think back to how this happened, it’s all that idiot aniki’s fault for going on that regional inspection tour.
There was a major conference where all the kingdom’s military and civil officers gathered.
As the representative of the royal guards, I was forced to attend.
On paper, I’m the second-highest ranking after Muscle Prince, so escaping wasn’t an option.
But ikemen oniichan slipped me a cheat sheet beforehand: 「Just read this prepared document.」
Thanks to that, I managed to finish my report without any trouble.
…The real problem came during the Q&A on the next agenda item, when the bad bugs started crawling out again.
-0-
「……Therefore, I have no choice but to conclude that Argusta-sama is improperly using the royal guard’s funds.」
『That’s right. That’s right.』
The chorus of other generals agreeing is seriously annoying.
「There have been such statements, Argusta.」
「Yes.」
The moderator is ikemen oniichan.
His face doesn’t twitch at all, so I can’t read him, but from the raised platform, His Majesty is looking my way and mouthing 「Hold it together.」
I get it, I really do.
「Ah～. Hey, you, the old man with the ridiculous beard that doesn’t suit you at all.」
「!」
「Yeah, you… what was that? Did I just hear you sleep-talking nonsense about how it’s weird for me to spend money on Noie and the others? Or was that my imagination?」
「You little…! I said it! I did say it!」
「Could the idiot please limit himself to that pathetic, under-grown beard of yours? Shaving it off would honestly look better. Right now it just makes you look even more ridiculous and undignified.」
「The beard has nothing to do with this!!」
The general, who introduced himself as something-or-other, turns bright red and barks at me.
Ugh, so loud.
「First of all, this isn’t unfair or favoritism. It’s just an investment from a purely commercial perspective. What’s wrong with putting money into the single most profitable industry in this country? Back in the day… how much did this kingdom invest in wheat fields? Someone like you, who shamelessly shows off that stupid face, probably wouldn’t understand.」
「Grr! You brat, acting all high and mighty!」
「You’ve been talking plenty yourself, haven’t you? Getting all red-faced and veiny just because someone talks back? Your pettiness is showing crystal clear, old man.」
「You!!」
The bearded general, furious and ready to lunge at me, is quickly restrained by the people around him.
Everyone knows this is a place for debate, not brawling.
「If the royal army or the guards could come up with ways to generate income besides escorting merchants, I’d be happy to listen. But right now, all they do is spend. They produce nothing. So is it really wrong to pour a huge amount of money into the one place that actually generates revenue? And when tax income increases because of it… who exactly benefits the most? If anyone has objections… please, step forward.」
The conference hall falls completely silent.
The glares from the military officers are scary, but under the tables, the civil officers are quietly clapping their hands in applause.
Of course they are.
Raising tax revenue is essential for running a country.
The better the environment Noie has to work in, the more dragons she can slay.
Though I’m sure her subordinates would all complain about that if they heard me say it.
「And if that means the Draguknight family gets richer… what would the head of that house say if asked?」
From the front row of the military seats, right in the center, the top general of the royal army finally speaks up.
It’s honestly the most boring question imaginable.
The answer is obvious.
「Yes, we would get richer. In that case, we’d simply consult with the Prime Minister and reduce Noie’s payment percentage from thirty percent.」
「Ho? You’d voluntarily propose cutting her salary?」
「Obviously. I’m not investing so I can get rich. This is all for increasing tax revenue. Prime Minister… is that acceptable?」
「……We’ll decide that after looking at future dragon-sale numbers.」
The civil officers openly applaud the Prime Minister’s words.
They’re the ones who constantly bear the brunt of the military’s endless spending.
And I’m the one who constantly bears the brunt of my idiot brother’s messes.
It’s only natural I’d lean toward the civil side.
「But do we really need facilities like that? Separate men’s and women’s restrooms. Separate waiting rooms for each gender… Isn’t that far too lenient toward women?」
「So you want us to be lenient toward men instead? Sorry, but I don’t swing that way.」
「Neither do I. But… does a facility like that really need to be provided for a ‘murderer’, a criminal like her?」
The general’s voice drips with disdain as he gestures toward the very idea of Noie.
At the highest seat, His Majesty is gesturing frantically with both hands, mouthing 「Hold it together」… but it’s way too late.
「You dare call my wife a ‘murderer’? Which filthy mouth is spouting that nonsense… you useless trash!」
The conference hall falls deathly silent.
His Majesty presses both hands to his face, clearly deciding 「I don’t know this guy anymore」 and pretending to nap.
His aides are panicking around him.
Big bro remains perfectly poker-faced as always.
「Useless, you say? Are you referring to me?」
The elderly grand general looks at me without a trace of emotion.
He has the appearance of a classic, upright warrior.
His career is rock-solid.
But from my perspective, he has committed one unforgivable sin.
「Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking to the incompetent old man who shamelessly parks that dirty, heavy ass in the grand general’s seat!」
Almost every military officer in the room clenches their fists and stands up with a sharp ‘zatt’.
But the grand general himself simply raises one hand to stop them.
「Why exactly am I incompetent? I’d like to hear your reasoning.」
「Sure. If that useless brain of yours, belonging to a great criminal, can actually understand, then listen closely. When Noie and the others were first gathered in that facility… how many of the generals and ministers present here were working hand-in-hand with the people who planned it?」
「……」
「When the whole thing came to light and investigations started, how many of you shamelessly cried 『They did it on their own. We had no idea』 and begged for your innocence? Don’t screw with me, you useless trash! If this had been an assassination plot against His Majesty, would you still dare say the same thing?!」
This is a grievance I’ve wanted to scream at them for a long time.
「You didn’t know? It was done behind your backs? Are your eyes just for decoration?! How do you have the nerve to sit in those chairs after spitting out such pathetic excuses?!」
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