「──Pan-pa-ka-paan! Congratulations on breaking ten thousand kills! Pew pew, yeah! You’re a goblin killer in both name and reality now!」
Again. No, again again, that useless goddess. What is her deal? Just leave me alone already.
「Come on, don’t say that. As the one who sent you there, I have to celebrate such a heaven-shaking achievement, don’t I?」
Celebrate what? And “heaven-shaking” at this point? A guy who used to work in a factory is being made to exterminate goblins, you know.
「Wait, didn’t I just get blown away…?」
I remember blowing up the cave, and then myself getting blown away.
「Yes. You were sent flying beautifully, right at the moment you were about to be crushed under falling rocks」
No, you’re saying that way too casually. That’s guaranteed death, right? What, did I die? Is this the end?
「No, no, you didn’t die. You’re just in a desperate situation. You’re still alive」
How is that comforting? That just means I’m five seconds away from dying!
「It’s fine. Fortunately, the moment you were blown away, you passed ten thousand kills. So I came to celebrate you, Takato-san～」
That’s definitely jumping the gun, right? I wanted to live those five seconds…
「I said you’re not dying. The detailed explanation is a hassle, so I’ll skip it, but the instant you hit ten thousand kills, both your mind and body entered heaven. So, when I send you back to the mortal world, I just need to move you a tiny bit and everything’s okay!」
The useless goddess struck a smug pose with her thumb up.
What is this feeling? This overwhelming Showa-era vibe?
…That guy really was like this too, even though he was a department head. So laid-back…
「So, are you giving me something or what?」
Just hurry up and get this over with.
「Yes. I originally wanted to celebrate five years from now, but since you’ve been doing so well, we’ve decided to give you a bonus to commemorate ten thousand kills～ Pew pew, congrats!」
I feel nothing at all. Ten thousand exterminations. Come to think of it, the results of the contractors count as my results too, huh?
「Of course. You were the one who proposed the contractor system, Takato-san. Both the credit and the results belong to you」
As long as it doesn’t turn into exploitation. Well, I did come up with it for exploitation purposes, though.
「In this world, you either exploit or get exploited. Don’t worry about it」
That’s not something a goddess should be saying! Spread some love or something!
「Now, now. As for the bonus, please choose one from these three～」
One: Ten million yen.
One: Thirty days of half-price goods.
One: A small boost to physical abilities.
「So, which one will you choose?」
Somehow, all of them feel underwhelming. Can’t you be more generous and let me use magic properly or something?
「Ah, Takato-san, you can use magic」
Huh? I can use it?
「Yes. When I transferred you to this world, I adjusted your body to match it. Oh, I never told you that, did I? Soooorry!」
Sooooorry! is not good enough! Don’t forget something that important! I wasted an incredible amount of time because of that!
「Ah, but your magic attribute is water, Takato-san, and with your current magic power, you can only produce about three liters of water. So even if I had told you, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference」
Water, huh. Give back that moment of joy!
「If you use water magic stones, the power increases, and if you drink water, your magic power recovers. Well, if you drink too much, you’ll get diarrhea」
What is this overwhelming feeling of uselessness?
「It’s fine, it’s fine. Magic depends on how you use it. With Takato-san’s ideas, you can bring out infinite possibilities」
W-Well, that’s true. Everything depends on how you use it. Let your imagination run wild.
「So, what will you do?」
「I want you to make Ladarion’s body so that it’s okay for her to eat less」
Even ten or twenty percent would be fine. If Ladarion eats less, food costs go down. In the long run, that would help way more.
「……You don’t need to feel responsible for involving Ladarion-san」
No, that’s not what I mean…
「That is a disease. She was originally destined to die, and you merely extended her life, Takato-san. That alone makes Ladarion-san fortunate」
So that’s a disease. Then does that mean recovery potions can cure it?
「Well, yes, that’s how it is. So relax and choose one of the three」
I see. Recovery potions are really pulling their weight.
「Then, raise my physical abilities a little」
More than money or items, what I need first is a strong body. Without that, money and things are wasted. If my chances of survival go up, I can earn more. My body is my capital.
「Understood. I’ll raise your physical abilities just a little. There you go」
She seemed to do something, but I can’t tell what changed. It really is just a little. But that’s fine. I’m not going to neglect training my body from now on anyway.
Effort accumulates. Strength is the result.
「Please do your best. I have high expectations for you, Takato-san」
Please keep those expectations moderate. I don’t want to be crushed by them.
「By the way, why did that cave explode so violently?」
「Goblin waste accumulated in the cracks, producing gas, and it ignited. That’s basically what happened」
「Really?」
「Really」
The useless goddess smiled cheerfully. Why does it feel so suspicious? Is it just my imagination?
「Ichinose Takato-san. I pray for your continued success」
A god praying? What kind of joke is that? If you want me to succeed, then give me something useful.
I couldn’t even voice those complaints before my consciousness snapped away.
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